why is it so fucking cold in here???

this company makes millions...can't they hitch up the heat a notch or two? geesh...

i'm so sick of random niceness. i know a few people that i really believe are nice. i mean, genuinely caring people. (yeah, i know, it's probably not spelled right at times. i don't care. that's not the point, now is it?) you may say i'm a pessimist. i say i'm a realist. you may say i'm bitter. i'm not. again, i'm just being realistic. i've been burned by too many people in my life. i'm just done. i'm gullible. i'm too trusting. i've always looked for the best in people. i've stopped "looking" at people. you are or you ain't. i've tried to convince myself otherwise many times, and i should have always just listened to my gut. so just please, don't. i don't have time for bullshit and i'm oh so very tired of it...

on the flip side...i have the very best friend in the world. i'm very blessed by her. no, we're not lesbians, but if i were a man i'd marry her. i have the sweetest most awesome kids in the world too. i don't know how they got that way. i've not been the best mother. i have a very loving and caring father who lives close, and have finally started to put together a good relationship with my mother who lives far. i am blessed.

i am most always happy...on the outside. i am sometimes angry or pissed or worried about something...on the inside. but the outside doesn't usually show the inside, and i just prefer it that way. with my vbf (very best friend) we discuss these things, and we've come to terms with the fact that life isn't always easy or pretty, but we'd rather focus on the good (for the most part) than the bad. every morning when i wake up i choose to be happy. yeah, things may fall apart that day, but at the end of most days, i go to bed happy and at peace.

it's been a long process of weeding out the bullshit, and the bullshit people who seem to take great pleasure in fucking up other people's lives. i've driven myself to distraction trying to figure out why mean people are mean, but i've stopped wasting my time asking why. they just are...for whatever reason...and i have far too little time to wonder about them and why they are. i'd rather concentrate on the wonderful people and things in my life and let the mean people wallow in their own shit.

well, another lunch period has come and almost gone, and i've got cigarettes to smoke before i once again pick up the delightful task of serving the public retail sector. truly, where i work, i get to meet many delightful oldsters...i know that many people think elders are supposed to be crabby and mean, but in my experience, they are not. for the most part they are sweet and adorable, and once in a while, when i get a big toothless grin from a sweet old lady, it restores my faith in humanity, and i carry on...